All of those fun things!<\/span><\/p>\n I also bet you\u2019re frustrated you can\u2019t lose weight the way you\u2019d hoped, you wish you had more energy to get your job done, and you wish you could be a better partner and parent.<\/span><\/p>\n You\u2019re struggling, and you wish you could just get your sh** together.<\/span><\/p>\n Have no fear, self-care is here!<\/span><\/p>\n The solution to all of our problems can be found with your credit card: a better skin-care routine. A more optimized schedule. A new journal. $75 sushi delivery. A 2-hour massage. A vacation to a tropical island.<\/span><\/p>\n Treat. Yo. Self!<\/span><\/p>\n There\u2019s just one question: does self-care actually help us the way we think?<\/span><\/p>\n Anne Helen Peterson would argue hell no!!<\/span><\/p>\n In her book,<\/span> \u200b<\/span>Can\u2019t Even<\/span><\/i>\u200b<\/span><\/a>, <\/span><\/i>Peterson puts it perfectly:<\/span><\/p>\n “You don\u2019t fix burnout by going on vacation. You don\u2019t fix it through \u201clife hacks,\u201d like inbox zero, or by using a meditation app for five minutes in the morning, or doing Sunday meal prep for the entire family, or starting a bullet journal. You don\u2019t fix it by reading a book on how to \u201cunfu*k yourself.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n You don\u2019t fix it with vacation, or an adult coloring book, or \u201canxiety baking,\u201d or the Pomodoro Technique, or overnight f***ing oats.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n We\u2019re all desperate for self-care, but we\u2019re looking in all the wrong places. This is the junk-food version of self-care, and it\u2019s leaving us empty and disappointed.<\/span><\/p>\n Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, psychiatrist and author of<\/span> \u200b<\/span>Real Self-Care<\/span><\/i>\u200b<\/span><\/a>, presents a pretty damn compelling critique of consumptive self care too. As she explains, \u201cfaux self-care\u201d usually comes in one of three alluring flavors:<\/span><\/p>\n As Dr Lakshmin correctly points out, none of these self-care tactics or purchases are inherently bad. Heck most of these things are fun, might make us more successful or financially secure, and many can provide joy.<\/span><\/p>\n The problem is that none of them address the root cause of our burnout:<\/b><\/p>\n We think a Yoga retreat will provide us with the hard reset we need, but it doesn\u2019t address the fact that we are overworked at work and do 95% of the caregiver load for our entire household.<\/span><\/p>\n We convince ourselves that if we were just a BIT more optimized or efficient or successful, <\/span>then <\/span><\/i>all of our problems would be solved.<\/span><\/p>\n We chase these strategies, and either feel guilty when we can\u2019t execute them, or get depressed when they don\u2019t magically fix everything.<\/span><\/p>\n So, what are we supposed to do instead?<\/span><\/p>\n If we\u2019re actually going to take care of ourselves, it\u2019s not going to come from an Instagram ad for scented candles or bath bombs.<\/span><\/p>\n The system is broken on the outside, which means the only meaningful work we can do is on the inside.<\/span><\/p>\n Why are we trying all these different self-care strategies? Simply put, we hope they will make us feel less bad, and more good.<\/span><\/p>\n Dr. Lakshmin explains two different approaches to well being:<\/b><\/p>\n Although there\u2019s a time and place for Hedonic well-being (purely focusing on pleasure), long-term wellness is going to require way more of the second one.<\/span><\/p>\n I realize \u201cEudaimonic well-being\u201d sounds a bit woo-woo, but it really just means \u201cbeing honest about your needs, accepting your current life situation, and working within those boundaries without guilt.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I have one more important term to throw at you: \u201cDialectical thinking,\u201d which just means holding two conflicting thoughts in our head at the same time.<\/span><\/p>\n Scott Fitzgerald, author of <\/span>The Great Gatsby<\/span><\/i>, said it best:<\/span><\/p>\n The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Here\u2019s how this works for us:<\/b><\/p>\n \u201cThe system is broken, the deck is stacked against me, my life is a mess\u201d <\/span>AND<\/span><\/i> \u201cworking on myself is a worthy endeavor and I\u2019m capable of making progress.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n So let\u2019s get to work on these things with <\/span>real <\/span><\/i>self-care.<\/span><\/p>\n In order to start making changes that stick, we need the right kind of self-care.<\/b><\/p>\n If faux-self care is prescribed from the outside (buying stuff), real self-care comes from within (doing work on ourselves).<\/span><\/p>\n If faux self-care is a noun describing an activity or product, real self-care is a verb describing our internal decision making process.<\/span><\/p>\n (This is just like changing our definition of<\/span> \u200b<\/span>hope from a noun to a verb<\/span>\u200b<\/span><\/a>.\u201d)<\/span><\/p>\n Dr. Lakshmin points out 4 rules for real self-care:<\/b><\/p>\n I\u2019ll conclude with the quote from Real Self-Care that jumped out at me:<\/b><\/p>\n \u201cTo practice real self-care, you must be willing to make yourself vulnerable<\/b><\/p>\n \u2014 whether that means having uncomfortable conversations to set boundaries or making the clear and deliberate choice to prioritize one aspect of your life over another.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n As a life-long conflict-avoidant people pleaser, this is something I certainly struggle with:<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOkay Steve, where does this leave me? I\u2019m still burned out and frustrated! HALP!\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n I got you, my dear rebel friend. Along with having some grace for yourself and remembering that this stuff is hard, here are a few practical steps you can start to take today:<\/span><\/p>\n Step one:<\/b> Start to dive into your personal values and needs as a human. Have an honest conversation with yourself whether or not you\u2019ve actively enforced boundaries in your life that respect those values or needs.<\/span> \u200b<\/span>Acceptance of reality<\/span>\u200b<\/span><\/a> is required.<\/span><\/p>\n Step two: <\/b>Give yourself compassion when you realize you haven’t put boundaries in place or stood up for your values or needs in the past. If you\u2019ve never given yourself permission to include your own personal feelings, that\u2019s okay. This stuff is hard!<\/span><\/p>\n Step three:<\/b> Begin the process of putting boundaries in place in your life. This might include more conversations with friends, your partner, and\/or therapy. It\u2019s time to be your biggest advocate and be honest with what you\u2019re willing to tolerate, what you need, and learn to say \u201cno.\u201d Start small. Remember guilt shouldn\u2019t be a compass for the decisions you make!<\/span><\/p>\n So, treat yo\u2019 self!… to self-compassion for having uncomfortable conversations, establishing boundaries, and speaking up for yourself!<\/span><\/p>\n And then you can go get a massage or buy expensive sushi.<\/span><\/p>\n -Steve<\/b><\/p>\n The post The Big Problem with Self-Care<\/a> first appeared on Nerd Fitness<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I bet you feel burned out right now. Overworked, underpaid, anxious, stretched too thin. All of those fun things! I also bet you\u2019re frustrated you can\u2019t lose weight the way you\u2019d hoped, you wish you had more energy to get your job done, and you wish you could be a better partner and parent. You\u2019re…<\/p>\n
What is Faux Self-Care?<\/b><\/h2>\n
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Let’s Talk about Well-Being<\/b><\/h2>\n
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4 Principles of Real Self-care<\/b><\/h2>\n
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What can we do today?<\/b><\/h2>\n
\nThe post The Big Problem with Self-Care first appeared on Nerd Fitness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":18789,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":""},"categories":[20,1,21,22,19],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18787"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18787"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18787\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18792,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18787\/revisions\/18792"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18789"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18787"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18787"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18787"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}