And <\/span>shockingly<\/span><\/i>, things don’t go as expected.<\/span><\/p>\n If you saw the<\/span> \u200b<\/span>\u201cDinner Party\u201d episode of <\/span>The Office<\/span><\/i>\u200b<\/span><\/a> where Jim and Pam go to Michael and Jan\u2019s house for the <\/span>most uncomfortable house party ever,<\/span><\/i> and thought to yourself\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhat if this was a 2-hour horror movie instead?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n \u2026that\u2019s essentially the plot of <\/span>Speak No Evil<\/span><\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n This movie is based on a 2022 European film of the same name, so naturally I had to watch that too. And boy, that version was even bleaker and more shocking.<\/span><\/p>\n This movie has some really cutting commentary on relationships, masculinity, and even parenting\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n But here\u2019s why Speak No Evil made me so uncomfortable:<\/b><\/p>\n This movie asks, \u201cHow many of our own boundaries are we willing to cross to keep the peace and not hurt somebody\u2019s feelings?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I always joke about<\/span> \u200b<\/span>how much of a conflict-avoidant people pleaser<\/span>\u200b<\/span><\/a> I am, which means this movie shook me to my core:<\/span><\/p>\n Which brings me to the point of today\u2019s newsletter!<\/span><\/p>\n My father was raised Episcopalian (a form of Christianity), while my mother was raised Catholic. My mom always joked that the Episcopalian faith was \u201clike Catholicism, but without the guilt!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n So we went to Episcopalian church as kids.<\/span><\/p>\n And despite this, I managed to get <\/span>all the Catholic guilt<\/span><\/i>!<\/span><\/p>\n I will bend over backwards to keep the peace. I\u2019ll do whatever I can to not offend. I\u2019ll overcommit, I\u2019ll put myself in really frustrating situations, simply because I don\u2019t know how to set healthy boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n Long story short, I would NOT have done well in <\/span>Speak No Evil.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n I used to think this was just me being nice, but I came to realize that it was something different.<\/span><\/p>\n I was being disrespectful to myself and my own wellbeing!<\/span><\/p>\n Over the years, I\u2019ve learned to establish and enforce healthier boundaries. Not just to protect myself from others, but to protect myself\u2026from myself.<\/span><\/p>\n I have a hunch there are quite a few people who are reading this newsletter who are also people-pleasers, struggling with burnout, and feeling overcommitted right now.<\/span><\/p>\n If that\u2019s you, I have a truth that\u2019s hard to hear.<\/span><\/p>\n When we feel burned out, too busy, and overwhelmed, we think the solution resides in a very specific form of self-care:<\/b><\/p>\n The problem is that all of these solutions treat the symptom, not the root cause.<\/span><\/p>\n As pointed out in Anne-Helen Peterson\u2019s<\/b> \u200b<\/span>Can\u2019t Even<\/b>\u200b<\/span><\/a>:<\/b><\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t fix burnout by going on vacation. You don\u2019t fix it through \u201clife hacks,\u201d like inbox zero, or by using a meditation app for five minutes in the morning, or doing Sunday meal prep for the entire family, or starting a bullet journal. You don\u2019t fix it by reading a book on how to \u201cunfu*k yourself.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n You don\u2019t fix it with vacation, or an adult coloring book, or \u201canxiety baking,\u201d or the Pomodoro Technique, or overnight f***ing oats.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n As I share in my essay on<\/span> \u200b<\/span>the problems with Self-Care<\/span>\u200b<\/span><\/a>, the solution isn\u2019t found in a Yoga studio or on a deserted beach, nor is it found in a journal or meditation app.<\/span><\/p>\n The solution requires us to have an uncomfortable conversation with ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n We need to put on our own oxygen mask first before we can help others.<\/span><\/p>\n Us people pleasers spend most of our time keeping the peace and catering to everybody else\u2019s needs, very rarely considering our own.<\/span><\/p>\n This is usually how we find ourselves overcommitted, unable to do the things we want\/need to do, and potentially feeling resentful of our generosity being taken for granted.<\/span><\/p>\n The problem?<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s not somebody else\u2019s responsibility to establish our boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s on us to establish them, explain them, and protect them.<\/span><\/p>\n This is where boundaries come in.<\/b><\/p>\n Boundaries are healthy because they allow us to actually consider <\/span>our <\/span><\/i>needs too. Something I never considered for a long time. I bet there are a lot of amazing moms and dads on this newsletter list who also haven\u2019t considered their own needs in a <\/span>long<\/span><\/i> time.<\/span><\/p>\n This doesn\u2019t mean we need to suddenly become \u201cI AM THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS,\u201d but rather, it means we need to address the fact that our feelings and needs are valid, and we need to take care of ourselves if we\u2019re also going to take care of others.<\/span><\/p>\n As Dr. Lakshmin points out in<\/b> \u200b<\/span>Real Self-Care<\/b>\u200b<\/span><\/a>:<\/b><\/p>\n \u201cTo practice real self-care, you must be willing to make yourself vulnerable – whether that means having uncomfortable conversations to set boundaries or making the clear and deliberate choice to prioritize one aspect of your life over another.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Here is your challenge for the day:<\/b><\/p>\n Say NO to one thing you are currently saying YES to out of obligation or guilt.<\/span><\/p>\n Establish this boundary for your own wellbeing and mental health.<\/span><\/p>\n Yep, this will require you to rely on those around you, and maybe even *GASP* potentially disappoint somebody!<\/span><\/p>\n Especially if they\u2019re used to you saying yes to everything all the time.<\/span><\/p>\n I promise you, their reaction isn\u2019t your responsibility to manage.<\/span><\/p>\n One final reminder I had to internalize: \u201cNo\u201d is a complete sentence.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n We can\u2019t time-travel, which means the only solution to burnout is to put fewer things on our plate.<\/span><\/p>\n This requires us to develop boundaries to protect ourselves\u2026from ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019d love to hear what boundary you establish, so hit reply and let me know!<\/span><\/p>\n -Steve<\/b><\/p>\n ###<\/span><\/p>\n The post Boundaries: the Cure for Burnout?<\/a> first appeared on Nerd Fitness<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It\u2019s been a while since I\u2019ve felt this uncomfortable. I had an empty afternoon last week and saw Speak No Evil (\u200btrailer here\u200b), a horror\/suspense film about a family who goes to visit another couple they met on vacation. And shockingly, things don\u2019t go as expected. If you saw the \u200b\u201cDinner Party\u201d episode of The…<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Guilt and Overcommitting<\/b><\/h2>\n
The Solution to Burnout isn\u2019t a Yoga Retreat<\/b><\/h2>\n
\n
\n
Boundaries Protect Against Burnout<\/b><\/h2>\n
\n
\nThe post Boundaries: the Cure for Burnout? first appeared on Nerd Fitness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":35573,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":""},"categories":[20,1,21,22,19],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35571"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=35571"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35571\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":35576,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35571\/revisions\/35576"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/35573"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=35571"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=35571"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bestratefinders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=35571"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}